I'm going to do something today that I've never done before. I'm going to give the readers of this a look into my life, a look into my childhood. this isn't going to be easy for me. I'm thinking though, maybe just maybe my story can give somebody out there the courage to tackle their issues head on, and unlike me deal with them according to societal norms. Here goes....... Starting when I was 18 month old I was violently molested by my mother's husband. so violently in fact, that my penis bled for days. oddly enough this isn't what made my mother leave him. she did that after he beat her. when I was 6 years old I went to live with my father for the summer. he was with a woman that had a daughter. the daughter took me out into a cow pasture and forced me to perform oral sex on her and punched me in the face when I complained. she then threatened to feed me to the cows if I told. (I was afraid of them at that time.) Also when I was six my mother sent me to spend the night with her aunt and uncle. I was made to share a bed with their son.
in the middle of the night he covered my mouth with his hand and forced my face into the pillow so my cries of pain couldn't be heard. he then raped me. afterward, he said if I told he would kill me, called me a little faggot and made me get on the floor to sleep. I want to remind you, I WAS SIX YEARS OLD!When I was seven years old we lived in the trailer park and once again I was molested by a girl that was the daughter of the wife of the man that would eventually became my step father. Though she was very nice to me (no threats) she still made me perform oral sex on her. she also performed oral sex on me and attempted to have me penetrate her by sitting on me. these acts happened in one way or another several times.I was then given a break from being molested for about two years. then, when I was nine I was molested by an older cousin (this lasted until I was twelve). At one point I was sent to a neighbors house to spend the night. during this night I was raped by their sixteen year old son. he didn't threaten me to keep silent but he had on several occasions ruffed me up, but short of beating me up. so I was already afraid of him and what he would do to me if I told. not to mention I was sure I wouldn't be believed by my mother. there then was a man that lived alone down the street from us. His nickname was two-foot. he was the one that I went fishing with down at the river, and I considered him my friend, I know now that he groomed me. one day while at his house he raped me, not while employing violence or threats but by using the fact that he was my friend and because of that I should let him have his way with me because friends don't say no and he loved me. Also at the age of nine my grandfather started molesting and raping me. this lasted until I was twelve. these things stopped happening to me because I went to the juvenile home for running away from home and stealing a car. while there I told my counselor about my grandfather. for his years of abuse of not only me but several boys in my family he was sentenced to six months in the county jail with daily work release. My entire life from the time I was 18 months old until I was 12 years old my life was centered around being molested, raped or physically abused. I can't remember a time as a child that I felt safe. I can't remember a time in which I felt or even though my mother wouldn't blame me for what happened to me every time I wanted to tell her I felt I could because of the physical abuse I regularly received from her. EVERYTHING was ALWAYS my fault.I've been asked many times "Scott, why do you hate child molesters so much?" my answer... they're monsters! they are thieves of innocence! they're not human in my eyes! I've been told "HATE" is a strong word. In my world there isn't a word strong enough for how I feel about them. Children are not only our future, they are us!I sit on death row right now because I killed a child molester that made it clear he wanted to get out and "get one that don't even bleed yet!" I've never denied what I did. I've never regretted what I did! I feel that if I saved just ONE child from the horrors of molestation or rape forfeiting my life is worth it.I will go to my grave one day with a clear conscious, and contentment knowing at LEAST one child escaped the clutches of victimization due to my actions. If I've never done any one thing in my life that made a positive impact on any person, I'll rest assured that my actions in this did!I'm not saying my actions were right or wrong. I'm not sending out some type of veiled rallying cry. I'm just simply stating how MY victimization has made me feel. how MY victimization shaped my moral compass and life.In closing I would like to stress this... If you are a parent or plan to become one PLEASE make sure your children know they have a safe place in you. PLEASE be a parent that questions the actions or intentions of those that are around your children. PLEASE watch and look for signs of distress in your children when around other people. PLEASE be proactive instead of reactive in keeping your children safe from victimization. Finally do not be afraid to ASK your children if they are being victimized in ANY way, and be prepared to take appropriate action if they are!thank you for your time...
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